**Read to the end where I share a difficult cell phone parenting moment that occurred in this ski picture**
As a pediatrician, I often encounter parents who are grappling with the question of when and how to introduce cell phones to their children. As a mother of 4 children (two teenagers), I have personal experience facing the cell phone challenges. My husband and I chose to wait until our children were in high school before giving them a cell phone (check out https://www.waituntil8th.org/ for further support with this). We did have a “home (cell) phone” that mostly stayed in our kitchen as a makeshift “landline” that our children could share to text and call their friends before they received a cell phone in high school. This family cell phone also gave us the flexibility to send a child to a sport or activity with a way to reach us when necessary. We strongly believe that the risks vs. benefits of a cell phone were unhealthy for our children until an older age. We also use tools to help us limit our children’s screen time and block access to certain websites (Youtube etc). We use a system called Circle (recently changed to name to Aura) to control the internet from our router, which means that we can monitor and limit anyone that is using the internet in our home (kids’ friends). I must admit it is still a daily struggle to limit screen time for all of our children, especially the high schoolers who have cell phones, but I believe this is necessary to keep children healthy and happy.
Here are some practical guidelines to help parents navigate this complex issue and ensure that cell phone use is safe and beneficial for their children.
1. Consider Age and Maturity
The decision to give a child a cell phone should be based on their age and maturity level. Generally, many experts suggest waiting until at least age 12 or 13. However, every child is different, and readiness can vary. Consider whether your child demonstrates responsibility, understands the importance of privacy, and can follow rules.
2. Establish Clear Guidelines
Once you decide to allow cell phone use, set clear rules. Our family has a contract that the children signed before we gave them a cell phone. We revisit this contract once a year and reexamine our cell phone use. Discuss how and when the phone can be used. Consider implementing limits on screen time, specifying that phones should be put away during meals, homework, and family time. Consistency is key—make sure everyone (especially the parents!) in the household follows the same rules to promote fairness.
3. Encourage Safe Online Practices
Teach your child about online safety, including:
Privacy Settings: Discuss with them privacy settings on social media and apps. I recommend occasionally double checking these privacy settings on your children’s devices.
Sharing Information: Stress the importance of not sharing personal information, like their full name, address, or school. Also check that they are not sharing their location electronically.
Recognizing Red Flags: Help them identify inappropriate content and interactions, encouraging them to come to you with concerns. This is especially important in group chats with peers. It is a learning process to chat with peers in an online environment.
4. Monitor Their Usage
Regularly check in on your child’s phone activity. Discuss the apps they use and who they communicate with. Again, consider using parental control apps that can help you monitor usage and restrict access to certain content. I recommend limiting their access to certain cell phone features during the school day or after bedtime with “downtime” parental controls. This is not about invading privacy but about ensuring their safety and health.
5. Discuss Cyberbullying Openly
Cyberbullying is a significant concern in the digital world. Help your children to identify this behavior and how to respond to it. Discuss with your children the impact their words can even in the cyber environment. Reassure them that they can always come to you if they feel uncomfortable or if they experience bullying. Help them understand that it’s essential to report any concerning behaviors to an adult.
6. Set Sleep Boundaries
Establish a no-phone/screen policy at bedtime. Encourage your child to turn off their phone at least an hour before sleep to promote better sleep hygiene. A good night’s sleep is essential for physical health, cognitive function, and emotional well-being
7. Model Responsible Use
Your children are watching you. Model responsible phone use by demonstrating how to balance technology with other activities. Limit your own screen time during family interactions to show your commitment to this balance.
While cell phones can provide children with valuable tools for learning and connection, they also come with risks that require thoughtful management. By setting clear guidelines and maintaining an open dialogue, parents can help their children navigate the digital world safely and responsibly. This is worth the effort to keep your children safe, healthy, and happy.
**Not so funny story to go with the ski photo above....my 15 year old was skiing with a cell phone. He had his cell phone and ski pass in his unzipped coat pocket while skiing. Of course it was a crazy snowy day and he fell multiple times in the snow. It turns out he lost his cell phone and ski pass somewhere in the snow. After we ate lunch, he admitted that he had been avoiding telling me of the losses while snow continued to cover the ground. Such a hard parenting moment! Fortunately, we were able to use find-my-iphone to see that someone had found and turned in both his cell phone and the ski pass to a ski lift. Ski trip saved!
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